Things We Learn in Birth Class IV

June 6, 2009

A. If I suddenly go on a rampaging cleaning binge, known by the medical types as "euphoria," I might be in labor.

Dr. Mathra thinks this means I might be in labor every week.

B. I don't respond well to articles bearing the title: "The Transcendent Quality of Pain in Childbirth."

If I want a "transcendent" experience, I will climb a mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, or, at the very least, meet the Dalai Lama. But I'm not looking for transcendence in a hospital full of IVs, scrubs, and blood. Dressing it up in some $1.50 word that Thoreau made de rigueur isn't going to fool me.

I wish it could fool me, though. I wish I could believe that something like hypnobirthing would really work for me -- I'm not totally sure what hypnobirthing is, but I think it has something to do with clucking like a chicken through your labor pain -- but I'm too much of a cynic. Had I been born in the time of this sort of behavior, I would have been pelted with fruits and various meats in the village square while people shouted, "Oh, ye of little faith!"

My faith, in fact, is SO little that when I had to write a statement of faith to graduate from Westminster Presbyterian's confirmation class, I wrote that I couldn't write a true statement of faith since I had no scientific proof that God existed. (Yeah, I was DARING!) I went on at length about how I wanted to have faith but in the end, I wasn't going to lie and say I did when I really didn't feel it, you know?

After the special confirmation sermon, where we all went up and recited the Apostles' Creed en masse, the entire congregation was invited to retire to the refectory for juice and cookies. They also had the chance look at and read our statements of faith, which were on corkboard display for ALL to see.

Huh. I didn't realize that would be happening, so I was a little nervous to have my church-going dad read what his heretical fifteen-year-old daughter had written. I needn't have worried, though, because at the end of my statement, one of the confirmation teachers had written something along the lines of, "Nice and honest," and then, the kicker, "You have the makings of a great minister!" Um, whaaaa?

I think that was half Jedi Mind Trick and half "if you're brave enough to question, you're brave enough to find the truth." Or something. Anyway, I'm not a minister, and I'm still of little faith. Some days I have more, other days I have less.

Whoa. We went from birthing class truths to God. You know what? I just got all transcendent on your ass.

Previously:
Things We Learn in Birth Class
Things We Learn in Birth Class II
Things We Learn in Infant Safety Class
Things We Learn in Birth Class III