Things We Learn in Infant Safety Class
April 21, 2009

A. It would be easier, cheaper, and less stressful just to put the bug in a plastic bubble until he goes to college.

B. We're both pretty sure our parents had none of the child-proofing devices that were being passed around the classroom: Outlet covers, corner blunters, cabinet locks, fridge locks, oven locks, toilet locks.... One thing I know for sure is that in the earthquake-prone Bay Area, we will be securing all tall and heavy furniture to the walls.

C. It's awesome to be married to an Eagle Scout: At one point, the instructor was talking about fire extinguishers, asking if we knew where they are in our house (kitchen for us, easy to get to) and if we knew how to use it.

Well, I mean, yeah? But then I started thinking about all the fire extinguisher gags in sitcoms and wondered, "Wait, do I?" And then I asked myself, "How do you try out a fire extinguisher without using all of it? Is that even possible?" Then the instructor went on about removing the plastic ring and how it might be tricky. "WHAT PLASTIC RING?! OH GOD I HAVE TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW AND PUT OUT A FAKE FIRE AND THEN BUY ANOTHER FIRE EXTINGUISHER?!"

Mathra clearly sensed my panic because he just muttered out of the corner of his mouth, "Merit badge in fire safety."


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