N Candy AA II: The Sweetmeat Eight

November 11, 2010

Confused? Hungry? Searching for answers? Look no further. Bracket is here, voting is now.

I'm really glad I outed a bunch of you as fellow scary/sad movie wimps. Makes my lameness feel more...sociable.

8 Sugar Daddy/Babies; Slo-Poke vs. 10 Nerds. Really? The highly dysfunctional Sugar family is still here? By the way, the original name for Sugar Daddy was "Papa Sucker," and between you and me, I don't think they improved much. (Word of warning: don't do a Google search for "Sugar Baby" unless you want to be scarred for life.) This has to be where the Sugar family gets eaten alive by army ants and where Nerds asserts their dominance. HAS TO BE!

5 Saltwater taffy vs. 11 Smarties/SweeTarts. I think there's a typo here. Clearly, Bunting doesn't know how to spell "Peeps." I mean, I know she was my indefatigable editor for nearly a decade but between you and me, she's getting a bit long in the tooth so it's understandable that she has a slip now and then and if I just keep on this train of thought I really don't have to accept the fact that Peeps are out, and Aunt Bessie's favorite saltwater taffy soldiers on against all imaginable odds. Smarties/SweeTarts has to win this because my grudge is just that large.

1 Skittles vs. 3 Reese's Pieces. After updating the bracket with the Sweet 16 results, I stared at this matchup in despair, knowing I would have to write about it and wondering what I could possibly say. It's apples and oranges (well, fake ones) as far as a direct comparison, and generally I prefer peanut butter to fruity flavors, candy-wise…but not always. What to do? How to vote?

For me, it comes down to purchasing. I can't remember ever buying Reese's Pieces. Like 'em fine; haven't spent money on 'em. I have bought Skittles, however, and while I still dislike their smurfy/creepy commercials, I'm voting to taste the rainbow. (Hew.) [I really think GLAAD needs to co-opt that phrase somehow. --Keckler] And Skittles could win, but I'm calling it for the Pieces.

5 Kraft caramels vs. 2 Starburst. Crap! Another apples/oranges assessment, but I love these two much more equally! I hoarded these two candies above all others as a kid -- sometimes I would bite each one into quarters! Quarters! Do you know how hard that is to do with a bouillon-sized blob of candy? [Your mention of bouillon means another tangential walk down Keckler's memory lane. My older sister made a batch of cookies and she baked one with a bouillon cube in the center. Guess who she gave it to, pretending it was a normal cookie? Yep. Let's just say bouillon doesn't fare well at 375° for 30 minutes. --Keckler] This is impossible! …Starburst, both for my vote and a spot in the semis.