Shell Shocked: Jericho Lives!
June 8, 2007

In due acknowledgment of how successfully the fans of the recently-canceled CBS show, Jericho, waged their nutty campaign, I wrote an Extra for Television Without Pity. Acting on information we received from our CBS source, "Shallow Eustachian Tube," I was able to transcribe what went down in the heated meetings between the execs at CBS, and if you read between the lines, you can see just what dragged Jericho, Skeet, and Awesome Hawkins back from the brink of television death.

Here's an excerpt:

2: Last night, my wife said she could smell them on me. I had to take three scalding showers before I felt clean. Then she told me I smelled roasted.

1: Yeah, well, I'm definitely having a nervous breakdown. A few nights ago, I dreamed that Mr. Peanut was riding a bomb over Kansas and screaming.

2: That's nothing. I went to my kid's birthday party at the Ground Round and had a panic attack. Why the HELL are peanut shells considered acceptable décor for a restaurant?

4: I had homemade peanut butter once. You have to keep it in the fridge and mix it up before you eat it, but it was good.

1: How's Bill doing?

2: Well, he's off the respirator and responding to visual cues.

1: Yeah, we probably should have quarantined everyone with peanut allergies before one of them went into anaphylactic shock.

2: I'm just glad we found a hermetic sealer who could work on the weekend.

All credit for the picture above has to go to TWOPper Alucard for responding to my request to create such a motivational poster. See, there's this hysterical thread at TWOP where participants mock up television-based versions of those motivational posters you see around various office cubicles. You know the ones I mean, they say "SOAR" and have a sunset or "THOUGHTITUDE" and have a flower. The thread is absolutely worth wasting time on and the results are pretty fantastic.

So, if you were wondering what it takes to resurrect your favorite television show, the answer is over 20 tons of nuts.

Acting on this logic, the saddened Veronica Mars fans have decided to wage their own campaign "Jericho nuts-style" and bombard the CW Network's president of entertainment, Dawn Ostroff, and the CW offices with mountains of Mars Bars in the hopes that they too will rethink the show's cancellation. Check out the update on this Veronica Mars fan site -- as of 12:37 today, the U.S. is out of Mars Bars.

Mmm, Mars Bars...

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