CrApple

June 9, 2005

I'm back from Minnesota and I'm full. Wow. I don't think I stopped eating the whole time I was there. No Smokebeer sightings, but maybe next time. I've already written about going to my favorite restaurant in Minneapolis, Lucia's, over at Bay Area Bites and I'm trying to marshal my thoughts, my stomach, and all my photos to get the rest out there.

But first, I am going to have to rant, Apple style. Remember back when Apple kept screwing up and screwing up and SCREWING up? Upon re-reading that rant, I see that I never even mentioned how after one repair my iBook was returned without its Airport card. That's right, they STOLE my Airport card! Another time they sent my iBook back with the Airport card so jammed into the slot that they BROKE a bunch of the tines, rendering it a piece of junk. I also want to add that after I wrote that first rant, I got an email from an Apple Worshipper who told me how great Apple really was and that clearly I needed to give them another chance because everything that happened to my iBooks (PLURAL!) was just a coincidence. "Another" chance? So, that takes us to...fifty-seven chances?

Well, enter phase fifty-eight of how much Apple sucks. Of late, my DVD combo drive was having issues for the second time, and, once again, I seem to have worn through my "O", "S"," "L", and "N" keys, so my husband and I carefully plotted to sent my iBook G4 off to Apple Care when I was off eating Minneapolis. We planned it all so well that my iBook was returned to our apartment the day before I flew home. My husband calls me to tell me the good news that the DVD drive does indeed appear to be working and we rejoice and hang up. Fifteen minutes later I get a call. It's my husband calling to say that not only did they NOT replace my worn out keys, but one of the little feet on the bottom of the laptop is missing and even more upsetting, the iBook won't go into sleep mode when closed. So, not only did they NOT do something we asked them to do, they now went ahead and SCREWED up TWO THINGS THAT WEREN'T EVEN BROKEN! The keyboard and feet thing could have been dealt with at an Apple store but the screwy sleep mode requires us to send the WHOLE DAMN THING back to the FREAKING Apple center for ANOTHER TWO WEEKS! Okay, so I'm breathing, I'm breathing. I'm dealing, I'm releasing, I've got some brand-spanking new Target lacy camisoles to comfort myself with -- all will be well because I love lacy camisoles and I love them even more when they come from the Target of my homeland.

The next day, I'm at the airport, wearing my lacy Target camisole, waiting for my flight (90 minutes ahead of time because my parents are freaks!) and my husband calls to say that Apple has STOLEN 256 MB OF OUR MEMORY! He wondered why the machine was acting sluggish, so he checked various things and sure enough, our extendable memory on which we slapped down $100 was GONE! GONE! GONE! GONE!

I hate Apple so much that... it... it... the... it... the... flames... flames... flames... on the side of my face... breathing... breathless... heaving breaths... In fact, I'd like to throw a New York hotel phone at their fruit-filled faces.