Television Without Pity

• Farscape "Picture if You Will": "Aeryn yells above Chiana's whimpers, "This is a load of dren!" "It's real, I'm burning up!" Chiana shrieks. Aeryn touches her and says she doesn't even feel hot. "I'M BURNING UP!" Chiana shrieks louder. Chiana's sort of a hypochondriac."
• Kitchen Nightmares "Secret Garden": "While Ramsay vomits, they have Chef Michel calmly walking up to his restaurant, humming. Yes. Humming. Like, a very Sesame Street-y, "Grover is nonchalantly walking down the street before slipping on a banana peel" type of humming. How do you know he's nonchalant? Because he's HUMMING!"
• Kitchen Nightmares "Campania": "I wish I could say that this episode sheared away from the usual planned rise and fall of the night, but I can't. Some guests love the food, but one Joisey matron goes on about how terrible the food is. Her dining companions seem to agree. The server tells Joe what's going on, and Joe tells us, "It was almost too bad to be true." Like this entire show?"
• Kitchen Nightmares "Lela's": "Oh, but get this -- that chocolate-mint sauce? Yeah, the mint is fresh, but the "chocolate" is Hershey's Syrup with "Genuine Chocolate Flavor." I ask you, why stop there? What about Lamb with Calcium-Fortified Chocolate Sauce? Or Dulce de Leche Lamb?"
• Kitchen Nightmares "Finn McCool's": "In the kitchen, Brian knocks back a beer and brags about drinking Ramsay under the table. Whatever, Ramsay would be on his eighth glass of whisky and you'd be passed out from his fumes."

KQED's Food Blog Bay Area Bites

• Vocal Local: Jen Maiser: "If you give the smallest crap about eating local, it's not necessary to ensure that every food product -- salt, coffee, flour, sugar, produce, meat, Diet Coke -- in your kitchen is from local purveyors. If you give the smallest crap about eating local, you just think about what you're buying and wonder if it's local. Because you care."
• Meaty New Year!: My Top Meat Places in San Francisco
• The Worm Turns: Absinthe Verte: "'Frabjous! Refulgent! EUDEMONIA!' Quite frankly, if the Jabberwocky had a signature drink, Absinthe Verte would be it."
• Garden Grazing: Escargots: "That's right, people, I grew up a picky eater in Minnesota where I gagged on string beans, yet I ate snails."
• Give the Gift of San Francisco: "...if you want to spread some San Francisco love across the country, try dousing your loved ones with these local gift ideas."
• Food Links Around the Bay and Elsewhere: "WARNING: This video is graphic, intensely disturbing, which, of course, makes it highly effective."

CHOW:

• Top Ten Food Hosts We Miss: Before there was EVOO, there was Julia.
• Bacon in a Glass: CHOW's guide to smoked beers: rich, toasty-tasting ales that are made with malt smoked prior to brewing.
• Recipe: Smoked Chili: Smoke beer--the result of infusing a weightier style of beer, such as brown ale, porter, or stout, with smoking agents--has ancient roots in Germany but has been recently revived by American brewers aiming to put their own twist on the old style. This recipe combines the fireside flavor with a classic chili.
• Stinky to Mild: How to Build a Cheese Plate
• Know Your Cheese: A glossary of cheese terms

CocktailSmarts: The SmartsCo gals signed me up to write their newest book/game/thing, and the cool Art Deco metal package is in stores now. Along with fun trivia and cocktails, you also get tips on how to set up your own bar and tricks to make your cocktails spectacular. Learn, mix, sip!