Home About Archive Events Press
The Nause-AA: Round of Thirty-Ew, Flight Ugh
August 24, 2012


Since I came to no real consensus in Suffering Succotash about the most hated food -- though an awful lot of people talked about tomatoes -- we're going to make this determination ourselves with our highly scientific polling system.

Head on over to Tomato Nation to register your displeasure: remember vote with your gag reflex, vote for the most disgusting choice, vote to vomit!

Today's write-ups for The Nause-AA brought to you by Sarah D. Bunting.

1 cilantro vs. 8 veal Two very different icks-periences here: one a soapy-for-some ruination of perfectly good salsa; the other a baby cow that's difficult to prepare unslimily. [“Veal is also the only food I have known that turns grey when cooked. That just not right.” –Keckler] I don't hate either of them, myself; back when I still ate red meat, I liked a veal chop well enough. So, as it often does in a snacket, it comes down to a desert-island choice: which would I want if I could only have the one, forever? It's not veal. That said, I'd say more people hate cilantro, and it should "win" here.

12 licorice/anise vs. 4 mussels Licorice upset scallops in the last round, and I'm not convinced it's through overthrowing single-digit seeds. While I like the flavoring, those who hate it will physically flee from it, whereas mussels don't seem to engender the same intensity of fear/loathing. The mussel is a pain in the ass to eat and clean up after, however, and I love me a black Chuckle. I'll vote mussels, but they may not inspire enough hatred to get through. [“Here’s some hatred for you, the Red Vines company recently recalled their black licorice because of dangerous LEAD levels!” –Keckler] 11 bologna/olive loaf vs. 3 organ meats/offal Believe it or not, this is a tough one for me even though I can't eat any of these things anymore -- and it's because I liked these things! Well, not olive loaf, because olive loaf (and pimiento loaf, bllrrrrggle) is fucked up. I always liked bologna, though, even though it's kind of damp and weird and made of lips and dicks, and I loved my mom's chicken livers in white wine over rice. I'd probably vote off the loaf (…LOOOAAAFFFF), but O-S-C-A-R M-A-Y-E-R has enough nostalgic pull to protect it. Offal moves on(-al).

7 cottage cheese vs. 2 mayonnaise According to the comments from the Round of Sixty-Hoarf, y'all have some seriously active mayo. Or live in the San Andreas Fault. Or should visit a neurologist? I can completely see how mayonnaise is off-putting for other reasons, but this whole watch-it-wiggle problem is a new one on me. Anyway: mayo is pretty gnarly, I guess, but cottage cheese is soooooo so much worse. Curds. Watery runoff with little flecks. [“And yet, you defend tofu!” –Keckler] The "diet plate" at the diner, starring a sandy slice of melon and a gelid bolus of cut-rate Breakstone's, is the most depressing circle on earth. I want CC to win, but it's too close to call.

1 blue cheese vs. 9 creamed vegetables I love both! I love each with the other! This totally isn't the point of the bracket at all!

…Okay. What will voters consider more disgusting: the presence of the word "cream" (hew), and the fact that said creaming (…HEW!), is generally trying to disguise some of the more reviled vegetables (spinach, asparagus, et al.)? Or veins of blue mold that smell like a litterbox of the damned? I see a close race, with blue cheese squeaking through to the Sweet Sicks-teen.

12 tarragon vs. 4 clams Tarragon's upset is somewhat surprising, and at 59% of the vote, it wasn't a trouncing. Clams should dispense with the seasoning easily, and I won't vote for them (chowdah = heaven), I think most of you will (Clamato = henh?).

6 crab vs. 3 raw oysters This is quite possibly raw oysters' tourney to lose -- the oyster is very salty, very slimy, and drew comparisons to everything from loogies to eyeballs in the comments, and at a dollar a pop (if you're lucky and/or actually live in Wellfleet), the cost can get revolting even if you like the taste. Or, you know, the sensation of swallowing a sea slug. Oysters, easily.

10 egg whites vs. 2 mayo-based salads Whoever cited the carrot/raisin/Miracle Whip "salad" in the comments last round basically did my work for me here. For every mayo-based salad you can think of that you like, with about a hundred qualifiers ("IF it's kept ice-cold," "IF it's my mom's recipe," "IF it doesn't have cabbage bits," e.g.), you can think of two others you wouldn't eat if you got paid. ["If mayo-based salads squidge through, trailing their botulism, I have recipes for non-mayo'd potato salad and coleslaw and a restaurant rec to share with my fellow haters." --Keckler]

But at least I can think of mayo-based salads I would eat. The quavering, flop-sweaty expanse of yarf surrounding the yolk of a fried egg? No. The boring beige whiteness intended to justify the cheese in an egg-white omelet. No again. A slippery hard-boiled egg half? No and forever. No, no, a thousand barfs no.

…It'll lose, though. Macaroni salad claims another victim. Sigh.

Want to laugh and learn?

Buy my book from any of
these fine online retailers.

Hungry? Get a menu pushed
under your door when I update:
Powered by MessageBot
Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Copyright © 2002-2012
Stephanie Vander Weide Lucianovic