NCrackerAA: Round 1 Flight 1

October 10, 2013

This isn't one of the tougher flights to predict; the randomizer gave us a couple of doozies, but I think it's Goldfish cheddar's to lose, with Carr's Cracked Pepper, matzoh, cheddar bunnies, and oyster crackers making strong showings.

I'll get behind the CCP, but I also have to vote Cheese Melts, because it's nearly God's perfect cracker (the only downside: the diameter is juuuuuust a bit too large to fit one neatly in my mouth in a single bite. It's not impossible, though, believe me). What gets my third vote, oyster crackers or matzoh? As a crunchy butter-delivery system, you really can't beat matzoh. As a source of hilarity -- namely, arguments over whether "marital property" may properly include packets of oyster crackers allegedly saved for post-chowder snacking (which by the way is not a thing and what kind of pinko doesn't just put them in the chowder) but foolishly left in the common area of the table -- it's the little dough bullets FTW. Pity they don't have much taste on their own. --Sarah D. Bunting

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Wow. There are several ringers in this round that are just going to smash the competition to impossible-to-sweep-off-hardwood-floors smithereens. While I admit to totally loving the fancified Triscuits flavors (I once ate so many of the now-defunct cheddar ones that my tongue felt irradiated), there's no way even the rosemary-olive oil Triscuits can beat down Goldfish or Club fans.

Even relatively "plain" crackers have a strong leg in this round. For picky eaters at a restaurant, oyster crackers were all we could eat of suspiciously creamy soups where things TOUCHED other things. Blessedly bland, not only did they become tiny plastic bags of comfort food, but oyster crackers were thoroughly entertaining. Seeing how long they would stick to your tongue or lip before they fell off and sucking air through them is how some of us might have amused ourselves while the Grups talked about boring things like Reagan and the Hostage Crisis. Then there's matzoh: a traditional staple for our Jewish friends and a subject of fascination for those gentiles among us who were completely and totally off-the-wall envious of a holiday where crackers were featured as a major meal component. To this day, playing "Hide the Matzoh" with the Schneiders remains one of my favorite memories. Especially because I found the paper towel-wrapped matzoh hidden behind a picture frame. I mean, FOOD that you can HIDE behind a picture frame! How glorious is that? Picky eaters know what I'm talking about.

I don't think it will get past this round, but I do have a horrified fascination for how Chicken in a Biskit tastes like a cracker rendition of chicken noodle soup. The powdered, enveloped LIPTON'S soup, mind you, not that under-salted, de-flavored Campbell's slosh. I tried to convince my mom once that Chicken in a Biskit was a complete meal but she wasn't buying it.

Oh, my god. While starting to muse over why Triscuits are spelled like that and NOT like TrisCUTS, I just realized for the first time in 30+ years that Triscuits=biscuits. And here I was thinking it was some sort of "a tisket, a tasket a green and yellow basket" thing. (Which: good luck getting THAT out of your head now.)

Revelations, y'all, that's what the NCrackerAA is all about. Revelations. "And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Tam Tams, and crumbs followed with him." --Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic

Now go on over to Tomato Nation and register your vote in the NCrackerAA.