http://www.grubreport.comSpecials from The Grub Reporten-us http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/ncaaround6.html Well, here we have it, folks: the final round of the 2008 NCheeseAA. It's a great day for a game here in the Cheese House, so get out there and choose the cheese of your choice. If you want to review the bracket to see how mozz and Brit Ched got to where they are today, pop on over to the bracket. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/ncaaround5.html Blog save our sumptuous Cheese/Long live our veiny Cheese/Blog save the Cheese!/Eat her victorious/Tasty and glorious/Long to slice over us/Blog save the Cheese!/O Ched, our Choice, you bet!/Retrieve thine coronet/And wear it proud/Unwrap thy sharpest wedge/Show all you have the edge/On thee our buds we pledge/And are not cowed! http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/chessie.html Back on speakerphone, I told them that an ex-boyfriend of mine made a habit of naming pets for cars, so I wouldn't agree to it. When my parents wondered why I got to have any say in the matter at all, I self-righteously reminded them how Dad cheated me out of naming Vanessa before she was born. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/ncaaround4.html Get out your boxes and your microplanes because after Mt. Tam and Cashel Blue made a stink in the last round, it is now time for the Elite Grate! We are drawing closer and closer to an American Cheesolution between British and Vermont Cheddar. Just don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes. (And no one else will get why that is funny because I am the biggest cheese nerd around.) http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/ncaaround3.html Brie vs. Parmigiano-Reggiano. This is a bizarre match-up. One's a "lolling on the grass with grapes, a bottle of wine, a river, and shamisen" cheese, and the other is an ingredient. It's a vital, delicious ingredient, but when was the last time you planed off a dry wisp of Parm-Reg just because you were snackish? http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/menagerie.html It turns out that Dad wasn't so interested in the biting Mr. Boots. It also turns out that his name was Mr. Mittens, prompting me to call him "Mr. Bittens" forever more. It further and finally turns out that while he bit my dad, he didn't bite Nessa when she got him out of his cage. "I don't think Dad knows how to get the cats out," she whispered to me. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/caviar.html I think caviar requires you to be fancy on the inside and, aside from loving period dramas and escargot, I'm just not that kind of fancy. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/ncaaround2.html (Seriously, were's Dick Vitale when you need him?) Well, after an intensely sweaty round last week, we've cut the cheese (heh) contenders to 32 and these are some pretty tough match-ups, people. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be able to choose between British Cheddar and Stilton, and the Boursin vs. Port Wine Spread is also set to be real a nail biter. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/familyanimals.html "I want to go back to the shelter today and see Gekko," Dad said. "Her name is 'Gatto,' not GEKKO!" Mom reminded him loudly and probably not for the first time. "Her name is going to be 'Crabby,' apparently," I added. "We're getting a cat we BOTH like," Mom informed us. "Gekko's cage didn't have a comment card at all," Dad mused, "I wonder if that's a bad thing." http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/asparagus.html Because of this, Lila and Mr. Fowler take Elizabeth out to a fancy restaurant to thank her for being nosy and angelic and having a gold lavaliere. Never mind that Lila eventually went back to her rich-bitchy ways. Never mind that the main story is all about "chubby" Robin Wilson losing weight, gaining lip gloss, and making Bruce Patman walk into a door -- all I took away from that book was that Elizabeth had asparagus tips at the fancy restaurant. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/ncaastanke1.html Fourme d'Amb is the chocolate of blue cheeses. It melts all over the tongue with a captivating sweetness and beckons blue-haters to the dark side. Caerphilly, meanwhile, is just plain weird: its white and yellow center smells like steamed asparagus, and, back in the day, the Welsh cheese was thought to protect miners' lungs from coal dust. Yet, there's just something about it… Both cheeses attract thrill-seekers, but Caerphilly is more of a freak magnet than the genteel d'Ambert, and might be able to convince enough voters that it's way more than just a sideshow. One of us! One of us! http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/ncaagrocery1.html Oh, yes! This is the round so many have been waiting for! We got your Baby Bel, your EZ-Cheez, your curds, and that pink and orange stuff that Hickory Farms swears has something to do with port. It's the Grocery store round and it's going to get ugly! VOTE! http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/ncaadeli1.html Yesterday was all about Whole Foods' groaning (if underwrapped) cheese counters, but today is Belly Up to the Deli day. We've got an intense Provolone/Havarti match-up that is certain to curdle some blood, but only until Fontina and Ricotta muscle their way onto first court and just stand around being boring. Personally, I'm curious whether Mascarpone can school Double Gloucester in the art of "nannie-nannie-buche-buche." http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/NCAAwholefoods1.html 4 Humboldt Fog vs. 12 Roaring 40s Blue. This could be a bloodbath, actually. Those who stick a snowy wedge of HumFog in their crisper drawer for a little amateur affinage until the sticky grey "fog" ages in toward the ash-striped center are also the ones who will go nuts for the spicy edge of the wax-wrapped Tasmanian devil...POLLS ARE OPEN! http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/ncaa.html These days, there appears to be nothing you can't bracket. So without further ado, we bring you the proud, the mighty, the stinky: the NCheeseAA! We've got it all -- we've got stinky Italian, we've got squeaky curds, we've got spray. Hell, we've even got government cheese! We're sure you all have opinions as well, so here's your chance to get out there and rock the cheese vote. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/jericho.html As a final irony, when writers/executive producers of a show I recap finally write me with glowing praise, it would have to be a doomed show. Of course. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/cocktailbab.html Casual drinkers beware, cocktail nerds have a new way of ordering drinks in San Francisco. No longer satisfied with set menus or even with drink specials du soir, the true cocktailian now knows how to order custom-made drinks, and it's definitely the In thing to do. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/naked.html And we're not talking about 9 1/2 Weeks naked, where the food and sex thing is with someone you actually know. We're talking about going up with an empty plate and chopsticks and saying, "Hm, that yellowtail on his upper thigh looks pretty good." http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/green.html The thing is, it's highly likely that I will never be 100% pure green because there are simply some things I draw the line at as being too, sort of, icky. Like the bathroom behavior rhyme, "If it's yellow let it mellow," etc. and resisting showers and using only natural deodorant and pretty much everything that guy is doing in Manhattan without toilet paper. And I definitely draw the line at eating things that have grown out of my own pee and bathing in mulch. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/topchef3.html I may have bowed out of recapping but I'm still watching. Have I not ears, Bravo? Have I not eyes? Have I not still a prodigious amount of judginess to weigh out? But far more to the point, Bravo: HAVE YOU STILL NOT ACQUIRED A FOOD LOVER'S COMPANION AFTER THREE MISSPELLED SEASONS?! http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/sickbed2.html Mitchell's, Ton Kiang, Marshall Farms Honey, Zuni Cafe Cookbook, Absinthe Verte, and Piccino. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/sickbed.html What's really awesome is coughing so hard I break a sweat. It's like getting a full body workout with special concentration on my abs. Screw Pilates, I'll just hack up a few alveoli and BAM! I'm bikini ready! http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/25moments.html I normally don't engage in these sort of "memes," because I tend to find them cheesy and of no interest to my readers. Plus, there are some things I write that, when I read them later, make me harf like Chet in Weird Science after he tells his brother he loves him. (I have the same reaction when I read my poetry-phase journals from junior high.) http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/toptvchefs.html ...the most endearing thing about Gordon Ramsay is that when he screams, "You fat useless sack of yankee-dankee doo-doo" or "It's a fucking carrot, you DONUT!" or even "It looks like regurgitated DOG SHIT" you can see the love in his eyes. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/bevmo.html Imagine our horror! Our consternation! Our pearl-clutching! When we were told by BevMo on [redacted] that not only did they have a pathetic offering of Fever-Tree, but they were selling off what they had AND NOT REORDERING! http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/pillory.html In the war of the music videos, Obama is Death Cab for Cutie, and Hillary is John Tesh. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/austen.html ... but the Regency was more about figure-revealing Empire waistlines -- some forward females of the time even used water to "dampen down" their gowns for their version of a wet tee-shirt contest -- and less about virginal Victorian crinolines and prodigious petticoats. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/dietfevertree.html Diet tonic water? Been there, expectorated that. Seriously? If you care that much about the calories, why are you drinking alcohol in the first place? Anyway, I sallied forth to taste Fever-Tree light with every intention of despising it, and yet... http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/kermitlynch.html I love your wines because if you say they're good, I know they're good. I know I'm going to enjoy them. At any price. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/obama.html This is the most important election of our lifetime, and I've been ready for change for 8 long years. Are you ready? http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/reservations.html Happy ending: Serpentine http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/masterpiecetwop.html And what's up with that impersonal, silky red background? Is this PBS classic drama or is it a "My Moment, My Dove" commercial? http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/politicsbab.html Matching presidential candidates with San Francisco food. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/limoncello.html I'm running an adult lemonade stand. But instead of a folding table squared off on a sun-soaked street corner, it's in my freezer. And to the usual ingredients of citrus, sugar, and water, I've added 151-proof Everclear. That's right my friends, I've started making my own limoncello, and it's a beautiful, beautiful thing. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/breadinapot2.html For those of you keeping track at home, that makes four different stages of bread prep that needed to be filmed: the unmixed ingredients, the 1-hour rise, the 12-14 hour rise, and the final product. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/newyear.html I don't make 'em. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/absinthe.html Quite frankly, if the Jabberwocky had a signature drink, Absinthe Verte would be it. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/escargotsbab.html That's right, people, I grew up a picky eater in Minnesota where I gagged on string beans, yet I ate snails. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/breastconfusion.html Mathra brought the bird home and, after sufficient thaw-time in the fridge, I put the beast in the sink and slit the plastic shroud. I don't know how long it took me to notice that there was something wrong. I think it was when I wanted to start washing out the cavity and couldn't find it. I also couldn't find the legs and wings. I called my mother in a panic. Me: "Where are the legs and wings? I can't find the legs and wings!" Mom: "Who is this?" http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/alemany2.html Winter in San Francisco also means being splashed with greens -- emerald, bottle, and forest. When other parts of the country are dead or white, this city feels as alive as spring. Alemany Farm, a bit more dry and sere in August, is fresh and juicy in December. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/cheeseshop.html DON'T bring your kid into the store on a Saturday during the farmer's market when the crowd at the counter is so thick that it starts to eat away at our oxygen just so your kid can practice his lisping questioning skills. "Ask the lady what that cheese is." "Ask the lady if you can hold the cheese." "Ask the lady why the cheese is that color." "Ask the lady why her face is turning purple and she's starting to go into convulsions." http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/babeatlocal.html However, I absorbed the concept of the Eat Local Challenge before I did "locavore," which, in all honesty, I thought had something to do with the phases of the moon and the lycanthrope society. (It's possible I've watched one too many Frasiers.) http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/slappetizers.html Make your own holiday slappetizers and impress all your friends. Right after you slap each and every one of them. It will be legen-(wait for it)-dary. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/babfamily.html Stories of serving Bing Crosby a ten-second-rule turkey and a book of deliciously fattening recipes. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/cake.html Damn! I haven't had a birthday cake made for me since I was old enough to know that it's not exactly cool to stick your hands in it and pull out two fists of cake and frosting. (For the record, when I saw Jeanne's cake, I nearly reverted to my old ways.) http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/babnocrab.html On November 10, commercial crabbers from Bodega Bay to Half Moon Bay voted to postpone the opening of the crab season, set to open Thursday, November 15th. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/oilspill.html This morning -- because of some sort of communications malfunction between the container ship spokespeople and the U.S. Coast Guard -- the spill has been upped to a whopping 58,000 gallons. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/breadinapot.html Yet, there I was at 4 AM following our third day of filming, reasoning how I could get bread to rise in order to save the show. (Did I mention that I didn't even have any yeast in the house?) I AM NOT A BAKER! http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/jacques.html Jacques Pepin. Me. Kitchen. Cooking. Drool. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/gratitude.html However, after reading about Sam's friend, Enidd, I'd like to put in a large order for "I Am Disgusted" with a side of "I Am Eternally Never Going There Again." (UPDATE: Response from Cafe Gratitude) http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/mustsee.html I showed the device it to my husband who said, "Don't you dare stick that in your computer! It's like sticking your tongue in a socket -- you don't know where it's been!" http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/summersquash.html Tossed with fettuccine, the pasta sauce -- dotted with delicate green and yellow cubes of squash -- had a soft and fat sweetness, which, having been invited in by the summer squash, didn't need to be faked with sugar. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/strong.html However, then the realist in me took over: Top Chef knew exactly what they were doing. They were using "food blogger" as a dirty word. The bane of chefs everywhere. More to the point, Top Chef, in their reality show way, decided that for these two episodes Andrea Strong has been cast as The Villain. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/farmday.html Living in a city apartment with no garden or even window boxes to speak of, the closest I get to growing things is when I forget about the sour cream in my fridge. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/sharkweek.html Finally, the emergency squad screamed up and a park ranger met them saying, "We got a foot injury." Now, is that "foot injury" as in "I stepped wrong and my ankle collapsed" or as in "my foot got stuck in the jaws of a Great White and now it is injured"? http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/piewoes.html My pie is bleeding. People, it's stuff like this that makes me whine annoyingly, "Whyyyyyy can't I baaaaaaake?" And no one likes a whiner. On the other hand, my husband tried to reason, "It's just that your fruit is TOO good, and it's got all this great liquid." And compliment, "It's got its own coulis built right in!" And burp, "So, can I have another piece or are you too mad?" http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/vertigo2.html The good thing about that MRI appears to be, however, that it's not a brain tumor! WOOHOO! Celebration of non-tumorosity! I mean, I assume that's not the case since my ENT didn't call me within 24 hours of my MRI to be all George Brent to my Bette Davis about it. After that, the next step was the Balance and Mobility Clinic where, I had been reliably informed, I would vomit copiously. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/harrypotter.html I DIDN'T REQUEST A REDELIVERY! [foam, pant, twitch, scream] http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/pizzetta211.html Loving a pizza place even when you know you shouldn't. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/jerichonuts.html Acting on information we received from our CBS source, "Shallow Eustachian Tube," I was able to transcribe what went down in the heated meetings between the execs at CBS, and if you read between the lines, you can see just what dragged Jericho, Skeet, and the Awesome Hawkins back from the brink of television death. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/thinkpink.html Even the color is fierce! None of this blush and bashful pink that's barely a whisper of color, this was wildhotcrazy lascivious pink. The pink of deep-bosomed sunsets, the pink of Barbie's dress from the 80s (you know the one I mean), the pink of Belle Watling's sheets, the discontinued pink of a Clinique lipstick I wore in high school. This Mount Tamalpais Vin Gris isn't "pink," it's "PINK!" http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/kitchenlove.html It's been going on about two weeks now, so I feel it's time to come clean and be up front with you all. I'm having an affair. With my kitchen. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/peas.html A few seconds dip in rapidly boiling water and slightly longer in a shocking ice bath and my peas were ready. Firm and mouth-popping, the peas were as smooth as a freshly Botoxed baby's bottom with nary a wrinkle to be found. But what to do with them? http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/bloggerschoice.html I'm asking all of you who read The Grub Report, like The Grub Report, and even crave The Grub Report to get out and eat the vote! Or just vote, you really don't have to eat it. Because it might be gross. And also sounds sort of rude. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/tjantifoodporn.html ...well, one of the avocados was doing things I've never seen an avocado do. Like grow mold. White, furry, slippery mold. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/fattirecheese.html I had this odd quirking in my mouth. My tongue felt dry and edgy and my throat was clicking in a greed for something cold, bright, topaz. Something fat. Something tire. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/fishandquips.html What could be more comforting than got fried eggs, bangers, bacon, fried bread (FRIED BREAD!), grilled tomatoes, and mushrooms? I'm pretty sure it's what they serve in Heaven, where cholesterol and heart disease are no longer a worry. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/vafood.html As he tells it, your hands and fingers sustain tiny cuts from hungrily slaving over the sharp shells, and the sting you get from the spicy seasoning working its way into your tender skin is a sweet and necessary pain, as much a part of the blue crab experience as the crab itself. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/vatech.html Why does this happen? How THE FUCK does this happen? College is supposed to be the best years of your lives. Not the deadliest. Not the last. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/childdeviant.html I seem to remember times when my older sister and I mixed water with drops of every possible food coloring in order to produce murky brown water that we passed off as "whisky" or "bourbon" and drank it out of shot glasses. It tasted sort of musty, because of all that food coloring, but that just made it all the more authentic. (In our minds.) http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/cowart.html Note to the brand managers: I want my cows fat, well-fed, and in a pasture. Not wearing jeans and NOT trying to seduce me from a box of ice cream sandwiches. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/kitchenvegetarian.html Because vegetables rarely set off the so-sensitive-it-should-be-writing-bad-poetry smoke alarm, they seem to be the thing to make and still enjoy in their heated state. This isn't fair. I love my meat, I need my meat, but my kitchen has gone PETA on me and decided I shall not have my meat. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/television.html Look, Jericho is not smart, it's not challenging, and it doesn't make me think overly deep thoughts about life, death, and philosophy. It makes me giggle and it makes me cheer for surprisingly shallow reasons. It also doesn't feel like homework, which -- hold on to your toasters -- BSG has started to feel of late. I need these dumb, peaceful shows to quiet my mind. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/freelancinglife2.html My life is not my own. As a freelancer every day, every hour, and nearly every thought is slotted to one of my clients. It's a hellacious fallacy that freelancing is all about choosing your own hours and owning your time. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/cocktailsmarts.html So, many cocktails and cocktail onions later, my project? She is done. Introducing the newest SmartsCo product, which just happens to be written by moi, I give you CocktailSmarts! http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/michigan.html Today is my birthday and today my beloved Michigan Wolverines are about to play the game of the year, possibly the game of the decade. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/ironchef.html Well, kids, Iron Chef America's Battle Cranberry went down in history last night with Team Rachael-Mario reducing Team Giada-Bobby to mere, uh, stains on the floor, knives, and cutting boards of Kitchen Stadium. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/wichcraft.html A Chow-instigated trip to the new San Francisco 'wichcraft in the shiny new Westfield Mall on Market yields delicious results. http://www.grubreport.com/kissthecook/butternut.html However, as soon as autumn's chill fingers began slipping around the city's throat, and the leaves crisped on naked branches before falling scratchily to the cold cement, my cravings began anew. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/sixteenagain.html Except, back then it was a 1973 Mercury Comet, and I drove with the windows down because AC hadn't been a choice in the Vomit Comet for about ten years. http://www.grubreport.com/kissthecook/traderdinner.html I could stock my freezer with puff pastry, full-bodied stocks, pesto reserves, and decorative ice cubes. Well, actually, I probably couldn't because my freezer is SO FREAKING SMALL but, the point is, I know how to do all that stuff. I just...don't do it. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/pumpkinale.html It's the most wonderful time of the year. The nights become stretched, the days brief, the addicting smell of new pencils is in the air, and pumpkin ale is once again lining the stores with orange. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/darkandstormy.html To whip up a brilliant Dark and Stormy, the ginger beer has to sting, burn, and fire up the back of your throat. You have to feel it in your nose and down your gullet. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/update.html I swear the only thing keeping me sane is runs at Ocean Beach, Tim Gunn's podcast, and reruns of Reba. That's right, people, I said Reba! The stress has made me sink so, so low. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/checkplease.html Up to now, I've only criticized television as the viewer, but now I get to see how it's all put together -- from makeup to pick-up. The control room -- where I spend most of my day -- is like fedging Mission Control at NASA! Buttons, buttons, so many buttons. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/picniceggs.html I'm here to tell you that hard boiled eggs are the ideal picnic item. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/celebdish.html Posh's thighs, Jay-Z's champagne shun, and a new summer cocktail. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/amazon.html Well, given how Amazon is about to take over the world with books, media, drugs, and Calphalon, I guess it was inevitable that they would add food to that list. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/eyepie2.html Sort of looks like a crusted acid trip, doesn't it? This is probably the most lurid pizza I've ever eaten. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/coconut.html Buko is so in bed with the coconut, it tastes like the heady smell of a well-oiled beach. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/corn2.html I forgot how great steamed corn can be. The kernels retain that deliciously firm pop-snap that roasting and grilling tends to soften. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/customerlove.html I went up to Big Cheese, who was already having a stressful day, and said, "So, I've got an idea for some power marketing. We send boxes of cheese to celebrities -- Lohan, Cruise, and whatnot -- to promote our image and raise our identity." Big Cheese looks at me, half-expectant, half-probably-figuring-out-how-to-let-my-horrific-idea-down-easy. I take a deep breath and say, "We'll call it 'Ouray for Hollywood.'" RIMSHOT! Big Cheese stares at me, then looks down, shaking her head and says, "Steph, that's why I love you." http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/localstuff.html Here's some news for a few of you out there: Cheetos aren't local. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/landsend.html For a long time I ran without looking up. I was mesmerized by my own footfalls and how they struck the damp, packed sand, radiating a lighter, drier patch in every direction, and how the June-icy Pacific hits the sun-warmed beach, banding mist around my ankles. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/delfinapiz.html Now, it has been my experience that most clam pizzas get a damp shell waved over them and call it a day, but the cherrystone pieces on the Delfina Clam Pie were so large, I initially thought they were unlisted pieces of chunky sausage. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/youtube.html Prince is a god. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/feelingmn.html That's the big thing in Minnesota: hot dish upon hot dish is brought to new neighbors until their kitchen looks like Flanders Fields except, instead of poppies, it's rows and rows of blue Corningware flowers. http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/eatlocal2.html I see an "Oddly Enough" headline that says, "PM Eats Babies," and I'm all, "Well, at least he was eating local babies." http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/eatlocal.html There's also that newly opened jar of June Taylor Meyer Lemon Marmalade. I mean, does she use local sugar? Is there even such a thing as local sugar? And Izze, I can't give up Izze! Or tea! http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/conspcons.html Be they Donald Duck or Donald Trump, five thousand dollars is too damn much to pay for a burger. A BURGER PEOPLE! http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/stpat.html With the nettles wrapped around a thick disk of firm, whole-milk cheese, the deep, woodsy taste of braised artichokes shines through the soft and full St. Pat paste. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/links.html Make your own wine, a hungry Brit on a bike, rent a goat and get some cheese, and eat fruit off the streets of L.A. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/kecklersabroad2.html The words were the same words printed in the hymnal, but that's where the similarities between Croft's version of "Our God Our Help in Ages Past" and my father's ended. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/blood.html Not necessarily a chips and dips kind of salsa, but the kind you use as the base for grilled meats and fish. The kind of salsa that chefs list on their menu to keep from saying "mess of vegetables and fruits." http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/topchef.html Rachel Ray would talk, cook, and drink so fast, her attending celebrities wouldn't know how to help or where to stand. They'd be even more mystified as to what the hell "E-V-O-O" and "spoonulas" were. On the other hand, her team would always beat the clock due to Rachel carrying back-spraining armloads of ingredients from place to place. http://www.grubreport.com/kissthecook/babyart.html "I blame my East Coast upbringing for my total lack of knowledge in the artichoke realm - but your idea makes them seem so much more accessible, I need to try." http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/traders2.html In honor of the New York store opening, my Top 10 Trader Joe's Favorites. http://www.grubreport.com/kissthecook/celebrate.html "Hey, is it supposed to be this runny in the middle?" Stupid razzin'-frazzin' skewers coming out clean making me believe the thing was actually done because THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TAUGHT! http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/sandwich.html I secretly want to be Dagwood Bumpstead. Seriously -- he sleeps on the couch, he's got those crazy-ass bangs that stand up seemingly without product or any other help, and he makes the most juicily extravagant sandwiches... http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/doon.html Aside from one or two "meh" reds and a Chenin Blanc that balked mightily when I made the mistake of serving it with Meyer lemon-simmered baby artichokes, I haven't met a Bonny Doon wine that I didn't want to immediately run out and buy a case of. http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/hellocar.html If I told you that we kissed the hood of our new car in the privacy of our garage, would you judge me? http://www.grubreport.com/soupdujour/illegalcheese.html Sure, there are stacks of firm and oozy cheeses we can't get our sweaty little hands on for various and ridiculous FDA regs that have very little to do with safe-guarding public health and more to do with buckshot happy politics, and yes, a lot of them are delicious and different and worth it. However, it is patently ridiculous to elevate all those cheeses to such god-like heights just because they are illegal. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/eatfeed.html "Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen/Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men/Everyone has a home/But if you don't have a home you can buy one there!"...They got even more nervous when I started in with some weird out-of-breath and slightly asthmatic giggling as I got to the line about Allen wrenches. http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/ffshow.html Microwaveable donuts, all-weather chocolate, vanilla salt, tea powder, the smallest gin and tonic in the world, and aromatherapied kabobs...it's basically Foodie Disneyland without the scary costumes. Wait, is that a giant Mr. Peanut? No pregnant woman could go to this thing, and I don't just mean because she'd have delivered her baby before she could take a pee. Friends, I need Alka Seltzer because I can't believe I ate and drank the whoooole thing! http://www.grubreport.com/alacarte/mentospepsi.html Blogging a boring commute and too many people making an explosive cocktail of warm Diet Pepsi and Mentos. Kids do the darndest things! http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/qi.html ...but where whisky can sometimes give off that unmistakable Band-Aid aroma, under all that intriguing smoke and clubby leather, Qi was touched only by vanilla and exotic fruits. I liked it a lot, and I'm really surprised by that. I went over there thinking, "Well, I like tea. And I do like alcohol, but putting the two together sounds too much what little old ladies do with their sherry and tea in England." http://www.grubreport.com/blueplatespecial/1stmartini.html "...So, I ordered my martini "very dry" at The Hill. I took a sip. I couldn't bring myself to swallow. I gasped for air. Mathra got me a glass of ice water. I dumped my martini in the glass of ice water. Mathra finished the excessively diluted martini. I ordered a beer." Plus: Pefection Peashoots, Melanie Griffith beans, and Cooking Without a Replicator.